Excerpts from English 111 writing samples (lightly edited)

Thesis (adapted from the essay)

   Meeting Mia Hamm for the first time is an experience that I will never forget. 

Meghan Spalviero

Thesis and essay map

    If I could meet a recent celebrity it would most definitely be Brett Favre. He is an awesome athlete, he gives back to the community, and he does not let his fame go to his head. [That works well in an introduction. On the formal outline page, however, it would be written as a single sentence: Brett Favre is the celebrity I would most like to meet because he is an awesome athlete, he gives back to the community, and he does not let his fame go to his head.]

Sarah Ludlow  

Four introductions, with thesis statements at the end (essay maps lacking in this cases)

   Many people aspire to become a celebrity. They work hard to become well known and famous. They want all the money, the attention from the media, and the fans. It is often thought that celebrities have it easy and that they don't have to worry about anything because they have people to wait on them hand and foot. However, I don't think being a celebrity is all it is cracked up to be.

Jill Buttrick

   People say that you can never really master anything because there's always something else that you can learn. I have played soccer for most of my life. And I understand that I still have many things to learn from experienced players and coaches. The French have a player who most people to consider to be the best player in the world at this time. His name is Zenidan Zedane, and I would love to meet him so that I could sit and learn from him.

Brian Reyes

   Many people go through life dreaming of becoming a celebrity but few may know how life really is for them. Sure, all the money and possession they have gained are worth envying, but the stress they must have in their daily lives must be difficult. Along with the many positives of being a celebrity, come a lot of negatives. Life as a celebrity is probably not the easiest, but I would like to experience it perhaps to see life from a celebrity's point of view.

Christian Matus

   The lives of celebrities seem to be glamorous, and often we wish that we were just like them. We wish that we had their money, their possessions, and even their looks. We read about them in magazines and watch them on television, dreaming that one day our lives would be as exciting and luxurious. However, despite the good that may come from being a celebrity, I would not like to be one myself.

Kim Perry

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